and how to set boundaries with family
The holidays are coming up, and with fun-filled activities with friends and family, also comes stress as well as some potentially unwelcome situations. Setting boundaries with family may be uncomfortable, but is necessary to keep the holiday season full of joy. Here are a few helpful ways to set family boundaries.
First, to be able to set a family boundary, we have to understand what a family boundary can mean. A family boundary is a limit that is placed between you and a loved one to protect your peace and well-being. They can create a nice balance between you and those that you love. This doesn’t mean inherently distancing yourself from your loved ones, but instead creating a healthy dynamic that can keep your relationship solid. Here are some examples of good boundaries to set:
Respecting Personal Space. Though we may love each other and want to spend time with one another, we are all independent beings who value alone time. Taking time to yourself to recharge is a necessary part to maintaining healthy relationships. By letting others know when you need this space, it reassures them so they don’t believe you are avoiding them.
Managing your Time Together. This can be seen by setting a time that you will spend together. Figuring out a time that you are leaving and stating when you are leaving can help to set that boundary. Being open and setting those expectations are going to allow for more understanding. This way you are still spending quality time, but you are not overwhelming yourself.
Maintaining Privacy around Certain Topics. If there are certain topics that you are uncomfortable discussing around family, THAT IS OKAY! You are able to set a good boundary by stating, “I’m not too comfortable talking about that at this moment, is it alright if we change the subject?” or by stating that things are going well in their interest and quietly change the subject.
It is anxiety inducing to have to set a boundary with a family member. Here is some advice on how to kindly set a boundary:
Be clear and concise. The more transparent you are with your boundary, the more understanding your loved one is going to be about it. If you are wanting to learn how to be more clear, click here.
Stay Consistent. Being consistent is key to ensure that your behavior, and the behavior of your loved one, remains the same. If you are struggling to maintain this behavior, click here.
Prepare for pushback. It is normal to experience resistance from family when setting a boundary. Though they might not understand where you are coming from, they can respect your needs. If you would like to know more about arguments, click here.
Holiday Stress
Holiday stress is imminent. Whether that be knowing you have to prepare an entire holiday feast, or you're worried about the financials of any gift giving holiday, it is normal to feel some stress. That being said, it is also important to acknowledge these stressors and remember that this is supposed to be a time of joy, not a stressful experience. Here are some ways to make this holiday season a little less stressful.
Don't Over Schedule Yourself. The holiday season is a time of parties and other social gatherings. Remember that you don't have to do it all. Figure out what you really enjoy versus what you feel you’re supposed to do. Focus the majority of your energy and time on activities that are fun for you. Do your best to limit or avoid those activities that are less enjoyable. Your happiness is an important consideration in planning how you spend your time.
Simplify Travel and Limit Car Time. Travel can be especially stressful during the holiday season. If you must travel, do what you can to make it as easy as possible on yourself. Try to get direct flights or at least minimize the number of stops along the way. You'll avoid the stress of having to rush from one plane to the next or having to wait around for long periods of time. Many people complain about spending too much time in the car during the holiday season driving from one gathering to the next. This can be exhausting. If possible, limit your driving to one or two events that you truly want to attend. It's part of setting healthy boundaries and keeping a reasonable schedule.
Manage Gift Giving. For many, the holidays are a time of gift giving. This can be a lot of fun, but it can also be financially stressful. Do your best to make a budget and stay within the spending limits that you have set. You're not obligated to spend beyond your means, and you will very likely regret it if you do. Even a small gift lets people know you cherish them. Bigger is not necessarily better. Consider making gifts, instead of buying. Thoughtful handmade gifts and homemade goodies are often appreciated. And the process of preparing them can become a fun holiday tradition for you.
Respect Differences. We all have different perspectives on a variety of things. There's quite a lot that can divide us and bring tension to social gatherings. Do your best to find and focus on our common ground. We are all better off when we seek peace and understanding with one another. If your efforts to maintain harmony are not as effective as you would like in minimizing conflict, setting a clear boundary and/or taking a break from the interaction can be effective ways to reduce negativity.
Take Time For Yourself. Consider giving yourself the gift of time during the holidays. Take a break from the rushing around, the shopping, the cooking, and the cleaning. Set aside time to read a good book, watch your favorite movie, go for a bike ride or take a nap.
Though it can be difficult to set these boundaries with family, as well as with yourself, it truly does make a difference in how enjoyable the holiday season can be. Remember that this is a time for love and laughter, and it will make a world of difference. Happy Holidays!
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